WHAT IS GUILT?
After her divorce, Sandra was a different person altogether. She could not get over the fact that it had all ended. Maybe if she could have handled her marriage well. It might be if she silently bore the pain of his abuse. Maybe if she could have stayed silent every time, he hit the child. The list was endless. She couldn’t help blaming herself for the chaos in her and her baby’s life. He told her that she was the love of his life but still cheated of her. Deprived her of her rights. Threatened to leave her if she will open her mouth.
But one fine day she decided enough is enough. Like a warrior she stood up for herself and her child, to leave him for a better life. Yet, every time she recalled bitter memories, she held herself responsible. He left no stone unturned to blame her. Even today, when she met him at the lawyer, he casually told her the baby is weak because of her. ‘Look what you have done’ became a norm.
The mom guilt discussed above is a common phenomenon women suffer, married or single. They easily fall into the trap of the blame game and so their self-esteem deteriorates. The partner or the manipulator capitalize on their weakness and exploit them. The sadistic nature of these narcissistic not only leads to a suffering partner, but also a traumatic childhood for the children.
Let’s look at how a single mom can let go of guilt to pave the path for a flourishing life for herself and her children’s mental health.
Kick out all the false expectations:
In other words, bid farewell to ‘if onlys’ in your past life. What was destined to happen, happened and it’s time to move forward. You got yourself and your child out of the toxic relationship into euphoria. Treat yourself for your victory rather than punish your old self.
It’s ok if you have less income now. While you manage to meet ends, it should not come at the expense of reducing the hugs and laughter with your little ones. Happiness resides in walking in the park, ice cream and snuggles, and lavish vacations for children.
As the child grows, they will have a list of questions to figure out why the parents parted ways. No need to be stressed and take the blame on your shoulders. Plan and filter the information that little minds can absorb. Not all the details of your toxic life need to be shared.
Quality time over quantity:
Now that you have dual roles, you can never have enough time as you previously did. Tell yourself you have other priorities now example paying bills rather than preparing an extensive dinner. It’s ok. A simple effortless meal eaten together over a Netflix series can do wonders with the mom-child bonding too.
All in all, no need to punish yourself and try to unreasonably compensate for what you cannot manage. Don’t let the predator allow rejoicing because you feel guilty for circumstances beyond your control. Instead, prioritize yourself for the sake of your wellbeing and your child’s happiness. This too shall pass!!
Come listen to our podcast for more information and strategies:
The Circle of MA aims to bring hope and light to women who have experienced or is currently going through unpleasant journeys. We offer a haven for women to unleash their strength. With our true stories and inspirational podcasts, we provide a space for you to breathe and to connect. Please reach out to us if you want to share your story to empower other women who is thriving through their moment of journey.