Our everyday lives rely on Communication, both verbal and non-verbal. Effective communication is of paramount importance in expressing essential sentiments, instructions, responses, and much more. As we delve more into what effective communication is, Marshall Rosenberg’s non-violent Communication guides us on how not to be judgemental.
Non-violent communication, by Marshall Rosenberg, is Communication that relies on empathy. It’s a means of unleashing the best in you. Communication is based on love and respect, not judgment, egos, and aggression. The purpose is to be able to express without any biases and with complete honesty. Likewise, as Communication is a two-way process, being able to listen honestly is equally crucial here.
Four elements of nonviolent Communication
- Observe: Firstly, what you observe based on facts and data without any biases and judgement
- Feelings: Then state how your observation affects your feelings
- Need: Your specific need for that feeling
- Request: Followed by the request how others can fulfil your need
These critical steps can be incorporated into the following statement for better understanding:
“When ___, I feel ___, because I need ___. Therefore, I would now like ___.”
The power of empathy
Listening empathetically is equally essential. One should openly allow others to express themselves before turning to any suggestion or solution. Let them speak their heart out. It is pertinent to not practice some common behaviours while we aim to be empathetic. This includes advising, sympathizing, interrogating or even correcting. But, moreover, shutting them down is a bad idea too.
Expressing Anger
It is recommended to accept that one is responsible for his/her own anger and that others are just the stimulus and not the cause.
The vital steps in anger expression are:
- Stop and breathe
- Identify our judgemental thoughts
- Connect with our needs (If needed, try to empathize with others)
- Express our feelings and unmet needs
Appreciate because why not?
We often tend to ignore appreciation in Communication while giving it or even receiving it. However, it should be noted that appreciation should be about celebration and not gaining anything in return.
The three components of appreciation, as mentioned by Marshall Rosenberg, are:
- The actions that have contributed to our well being
- Our particular needs of ours that have been fulfilled
- The pleasureful feelings engendered by the fulfilment of those needs.
Unfortunately, receiving appreciation becomes an undesirable task for many. We should accept it gracefully and pat ourselves for deserving it instead of fretting over it. On the other hand, one should also receive appreciation without feeling arrogant.
Conclusion
Nonviolent Communication includes conscious effort and powerful vocabulary to help you communicate effectively. It’s a critical requisite for any thriving relationship. Thus, Marshall Rosenberg beautifully explains how focusing on others’ needs and observing them rather than making judgments can be ground-breaking when interacting with others, be it your friends or foes!
For more details, do watch the illustrated video below:
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